I know that I am taking a very controversial stand here, and trust me, it certainly is not the easiest thing in the world. Almost everyone – family, friends, society, even my own ego and sense of dignity – seems to be against this. However, I have chosen to stand by God’s Word, which is clear on this issue.
My husband of seven years has chosen to leave our home in pursuit of another woman, whom he claims to love so much that he is willing to give up all sorts of things for. He does not love me anymore and wants a divorce. He has even filed papers to that end. He rarely calls me, not even to speak to the kids and he hardly ever sees them except in passing. He claims to be comfortable with the life he has chosen and sees no reason to change what is a happy position for him.
Do I believe him? Yes, I do. I know he is telling the truth about how he feels. Certainly we have had more than our share of problems from day one. I am not claiming to be innocent in this matter at all. I’ve made my contribution to the breakdown of our marriage in more ways than one. Now, when I’m feeling low, there is great anger and hatred towards him that would surely cause his immediate demise were it released. For certain I feel that no matter my faults, I do not deserve this type of treatment at his hands. I know I did not do anything to merit such emotional abuse.
Does it hurt? You have no idea! Pain is my constant companion and don’t let anyone tell you that a broken heart does not hurt physically. It aches like … I can’t even describe it. Not only do I have to deal with my own pain, but also my kids’. They make no bones about placing all responsibility for their daddy being gone squarely on my shoulders. They’re just six and four years old, so their reasoning is immature, but it sure hurts to hear them say it. It’s unfair to say the least. I’m the one who has made all the effort to save this marriage, and that beast is coming out like a wounded hero!! Just thinking about it makes me want to howl at the injustice of it all.
Why am I telling you all of this? To let you know that I do not take this choice lightly and how much it is costing me. I have to fight myself every day from just giving in and “freeing” myself from this untenable situation. Surely it would be easier to just move on with my life. After all, you can’t force someone to love you. They still have their freedom of choice.
From what I’ve written so far, it must seem that I am admitting that I’m in a no-win situation. It certainly seems that way, doesn’t it? But after realizing that any and everything I could do will inevitably fail (think crash and burn!), I’ve now come up with a solution to all our problems.
That’s it. One word.
I could beg my husband to come back home on my knees. I could cry all day and all night (and I have many times). I could curse him and spew every rotten word I know or have heard (and I know a lot!). I could appeal to his fatherly instincts and talk about the children. And I’m sure you can think of myriads of other things I could do. But to what avail?
To be honest, I don’t even want him back in the state he’s in now. I deserve a man who loves me and who keeps his word. Were he to come back now it would only be a matter of time before he’s back to his old ways again, and who wants that? Certainly not me! Right now, he is a feckless, selfish sod who only cares about getting his kicks with the flavour of the month. And that woman – well, you tell me what kind of woman does not mind that she’s sleeping with another woman’s husband? What kind of woman blithely ignores the pain she is causing to innocent children? A homewrecking bimbo, that’s who! Right now, both of them deserve each other!
However, I’m not leaving it like that. I mentioned a solution, didn’t I? What my marriage needs is not a divorce but a Divine Force. God’s Word is clear on the matter of the sanctity of marriage and how he feels about divorce. In Malachi 2:11 – 16, God clearly states that He hates (abhors, loathes, detests, finds reprehensible) divorce. You can’t get much plainer than that! He even goes so far as to liken the marital relationship to how He feels about the Church. Marriage was instituted before the Sabbath. It was meant to be for life.
We ‘modern’ humans think we know so much! We’ve made great scientific advances and gargantuan strides in technology, but in the supposedly simplest matters of all, of dealing with one another, we’re abject failures. That’s because we fail to acknowledge the One who made us. We’ve become so high-minded that it’s now unfashionable and ‘country bookie’ to mention God and His goodness. At least in company.
I choose to believe God. He alone can restore my marriage. I am wholly prepared to do WHATEVER He tells me to. I don’t even ask anymore if standing for my marriage is His will. How can it not be! If He hates divorce, He must love marriage. It therefore, stands to reason that He will do what is necessary to save and completely transform my marriage. He’ll make it even better than the best of before. I wholeheartedly believe that!
Let’s face it: what my husband needs now is Jesus. Whether he acknowledges it or not, he is in desperate need of salvation. What I am doing is not to thwart his free will (although I’ll admit it’s a nice side benefit!) but praying for God to save him from himself. Left to his own devices he’ll come to regret what he’s doing sooner or later. Statistics clearly show that more than 95% of these relationships NEVER work out. But by then it will be too late to save our marriage. There’ll be nothing to save because we would have been divorced a long time ago. The kids would be a mess emotionally and our young baby would have no real relationship with her father. As for me, most likely I’d be either remarried or seeing someone else.
Divorce is not a solution, it’s a cop-out. The only real solution, the only successful alternative is Jesus. He’s the One who made marriage, so He’s the only One who can save marriages. I give my marriage to Him. He cares about my marriage even more than I do so He will do whatever He has to to save it. I can’t change my husband. I can’t even really change myself. Only Jesus can do that. So while I pray for Him to do His marvelous work in my husband’s life, I also pray for Him to change me as well. He has to make me into the woman He wants me to be for His glory.
“Make haste, O God, to deliver me!Make haste to help me, O Lord!”